I think modifying the Green Day song "Wake Me When September Ends" by subbing November in for September would be good right about now. The couch has been more and more my chosen place of residence… and the sleep is shifting once again… I gotta really watch myself.
I made it through another administrator workshop… I get very nervous – like tummy all upset and in puke mode. Plus tomorrow – well later today at work I have to take on a lead, assertive role and as I admitted to a co-worker yesterday that is one part of the job and if I move in the direction my boss wants me to, future job that I have problems with. I can lead and create and come up with ideas and how to implement… but I tend to be very shy, introvert and non-assertive. Someone going into an administrative position needs those qualities but also needs more backbone and to be sure of themselves… I have a major character flaw, as we all do…
But one of my many flaws (and I say that not in a dissing myself way but more I recognize it know I need to work on it but it still controls more than I like who I am and how I react) but I doubt myself… big time… like I can not possibly ever be in a relationship again because I am not good enough and no one would ever want me type self doubt… I do not trust my self really… it is more but now I am dangerously approaching the self pity, self dissing, self loathing point and trying hard not to sink there… I can sink there later, plenty of time for that
But have this phone conference tomorrow plus my fricking ass braces messed up again – this time a lower wire slipped and is enjoying digging into my gum… so I managed to get an emergency appointment tomorrow afternoon
This is good as Tuesday I have to go to Miami for a conference and would not be happy being in a different state with messed up braces. Why again did I decide at this age and juncture of my life to do this? Oh yeah because I wanted to do something different and as I am going through a lot of changes the last two years I decided to do the teeth thing too – lol
This weekend promises to be full of work… maybe I can slip out tomorrow night and find some music somewhere. No plans for Halloween – too busy…
Found out I really do need to try and figure out how to take these graduate classes at Rowen University which is an hour plus drive one way and money and time and why am I doing this? Oh yeah because my boss told me my job is going away but the school wants to keep me and is trying to figure out how to do that so get these certifications and maybe you will not end up collecting unemployment…
I know I should not get into the future what if mode, but I am still so off from that meeting… I need to make some friends or join a club ro something to actually do something beside hanging around thinking of stuff like this… actually it would be nice to have some people around in this area I actually could talk to and hang with. If I could just find some people to drag to concerts – that would be a start – lol
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I know braces are good - I actually went to get them not for looks but because my teeth really were a bit off and the braces kinda got me to thinking about them and taking care of them and all (plus it is the first time in my life I could afford them... I'm the first in my family to have money to even think about something like braces... but eh that is another story for another time perhaps...)
I liked your first sentence in your comment – I know that sounds weird but... it kinda hit home and actually in an odd way made me feel ok (hard to explain why... been a long couple of years... so thanks).
And I know regarding the Halloween and such... if you know someone who would love to go, please, please whack me upside the head and point me in that directions - lol - eh I will keep traveling through life and perhaps find others who travel in the same direction and like the same side paths I like….
I hope you find something (festivals here are awesome and I like them - guessing even if not exactly the same application of the word on this side of the ocean it is similar :)
And yes your peaches and cream comment means nothing now but if you feel like enlightening an American yank - feel free - I love to learn and that goes for anything :-D
Actually that really does go for anything (hence my blog) the good and the bad... it is a journey and I do love to explore... and I expect sometimes what I find is not what I care to hear or see but I still continue
PS - it took all of 15 minutes to clip the wire and replace the chain in the braces... sigh three days of pain - 15 minutes solution - such is life - hehe
pss - well not sure if I am like you (your blogs are incredibly thoughtful, idea provoking and make me think… mine are everyday this and that rambles - lol) but shy... yeah... and coming naturally - I hope, some day...
And your comment about louder made me smile remembering my graduate advisor (my Masters degree was focused on paleobotany, paleoclimatology and other paleo topics - and yes I am teaching teachers and students how to use technology in a vocational high school among the 100 other jobs they give me... life has such odd paths people travel - doesn;t it....) - he said when introducing Latin topics to students remember - it is not if you can pronounce the Latin - the trick is to say the species names Loud and fast... :-D
doc
pss - been reading your blog - safe travel on your path you travel and most awesome on teh good day you had!!!! gives others hope - so again thanks :-)
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