Saturday, August 26, 2006

random music comments

I got Angels and Airwaves and The Fray CD - I really really like them both!!!

Also got Cyndi Lauper tickets - not sure if I mentioned that earlier :)

I made A&A The Adventure one of my ringtones - I love music :P

and it makes me wonder, how do people choose ringtones?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Just a little writing drabble

a couple of songs played on my internet radio station and they just seem to really express many feelings and thoughts right now - ah well

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars [4:25] - Eyes Open

Simple Plan - Untitled [3:58] - Still Not Gettin' Any

But on to drabble

I Wish I Had a Moment With You
(dedicated to N, but she will never know)

Visually few know when the Moment occurs. Most find they can not say exactly when, how or why the Moment happened.

Most can, at some point after the Moment, sense that it has happened. But even with thorough analysis, pinpointing that instant is elusive.

Some can recognize the steps before, leading to the point of no return. And there are those who identify the resulting after effects, the ripples that spread and forever change those involved in the Moment.

So what can you do?

Before a Moment you know who you are, where you belong, what you want and how to get through the next day.

After a Moment your entire world and perspective is sitting in the trash and you are frantically trying to dig through the wastebasket to find out what the hell just happened.

Whimpering, you try to understand why nothing makes sense. What you thought you knew, what and who you thought you wanted and even all the ways to get back to where you were are closed... denied.

A Moment marks the action, thought, word, deed, right turn, wrong turn, physical, mental or emotional step that divides before the Moment {{when all is good and clear and easy, if not remotely frustrating and lacking as you want, desire, fantasize}} and after the Moment {{when all is crazier than Mardi Gras, cloudier than the middle of a thunderstorm and harder than climbing Mt Everest yet it is a rush, exhilarating, or incredibly dark and forever gone}}

It's the place that person sends you with a single Moment of them - the place where you are lucky to remember your name never mind all the details like who you thought you were, what you thought you wanted and what you thought you knew.

My wish? To be graced with a Moment with you. To have my world intersect yours with the intensity that comes from when Moments take hold. To share and ride the waves together after our incredible Moment regardless of the direction it might take. A Moment, that's all I want.

Well of course after that Moment there's the next one.... :-D

Monday, August 21, 2006

from the mind of my youngest sister

OK sometimes I just get a little confuzzed when dealing with my youngest sister - witness a recent chat

me: heya
Mysister: heya back
me: how goes?
Mysister: slow
me: how come
Mysister: just is, this is not kat btw
me: i know
Mysister: sure u did
me: i am talking to kathy
Mysister: read the box sweets
me: what?
Mysister: never mind u lost me
me: what?
me: what did you mean read the box sweets?
Mysister: I thought you were asking if I was kathy and I had just typed that this is not kathy so I was telling you to read the box. lol get it?
me: I get it, stop chatting with some hoochie mamma and getting distracted
Mysister: lmao I dont chat with the hoochie mammas only the hoochie daddas lol
me: yeah sure
Mysister: tell me something what do you think would be a good song for me to put on myspace? something that represents me. seein as you know music so well
me: that depends on your mood
me: and I am not sure i know any songs called hoochie mamma
Mysister: haha HEY, I am not nearly as big a hootchie mama as everyone seems to believe I am......
me: you have big bazzoomes that hang out you be a hoochie mamma
Mysister: hahaha no, that only makes me provicative not hoochie mamma. Hoochie is someone who goes out "hoochin it up like a dog havin sex with whatever has 2/4 legs" lmao
me: and you don't fit that definition how?
Mysister: OUCH! julie that hurts
me: want a bandaid?
Mysister: I dont just have sex with anybody. and I have not been with as many guys as everyone says I have. I
me: yes you have sex with everybody
me: and I know
Mysister: um no. When I broke up with jason (my first guy ever) I had sex with two guys one was a one night stand. I didnt know it was going to be, he was my friend and when we had sex he just stoped talking to me
me: I see, continue please
Mysister: Then Peter the Painter. He rocked my world for quite a while and I have no regrets on that one
Mysister: Then Mark....
me: was his peter called The Painter too?
Mysister: After Mark, there have been a few
me: yes I am almost out of fingers keep going
Mysister: Peter was my painter at the apts I managed. He use to calk my cracks too
Mysister: lol
Mysister: bitch
Mysister: anyways I had a self induced one night stand with andy
me: caulking your crack, I bet he did
me: self induced?
me: What is self induced?
Mysister: then I met a guy who I thought was my boyfriend. Tom. turns out he was not.....
me: Hmm that sucks - and hmm the hoochie mamma theory keeps getting better and better
Mysister: then Paul..... Also a bad Idea, but fanfrickentastic sex. he is the last one.... well for now
me: Um not that many? You know how far I have to scroll up to get to the top of your list?
me: And oh I see not that many you can remember I got ya covered
Mysister: 7 guys in only a short amount of time ok 7 for most women my age that is not a lot well not too many there may be a few more but still

Sunday, August 20, 2006

A very wonked up movie

Man, ok that is one harsh but good movie.

The fast forward sex scene had me laughing and was intriguing. The milk bar, ok something about those white chick furniture pieces just spooky. The "science" treatment was - okay the eyeball things if the actor really had that happen - ouchie momma And the ending… makes you go hmmm

And of course the attitude toward sex and violence overall… and then you wonder as you laugh and go through the movie reacting if the movie is not more of a future prediction then we care to think – I mean in one of the Halloween Simpson eppys they have Bart dressed as Alex….

I also know I am not getting all of the imagery and such I will look it up on web sites later tonight. Although if anyone has comments or ideas or tidbits regarding Clockwork, let me know

Hmm let's see revisit one of my top all time favorite's Drop Dead Gorgeous or on to the next rental I have, an HP Lovecraft horror movie – or I have Adam and Steve and V for Vendetta (which I saw in the theater and LOVED – which is why I just bought V for vendetta today I also bought Adam and Steve – I had a coupon and got both movies for 15 bucks an awesome deal!!!!!!!)

more movies, screw work

Movies movies movies

Ok watched "She's The Man" on recommendation from a friend – man I groaned and groaned, although there were some funny lines and Amanda Byrnes does look good as a guy. I also liked the overall storyline, fairly straight forward although the ball bouncing thing scene was kinda cute and yes Nikki, the chick fight scene was good, man I winced when she did the face plant. I like the soundtrack and wanna look into getting it!

Next watched batman Forever – ok it was supposed to be Batman and Robin cause I wanted to see Uma Thurman and Alicia but I goofed in the rental store (I did not look, just grabbed, sigh) will get batman and Robin tomorrow - Riddle me this - and hey At least I got a Drew Barrymore cameo - nice

Next up – A clockwork Orange – which I actually have never seen before.

And yes my mind is in a funk to be jumping from movie type to movie type such as I am…. maybve it'll keep me distracted - or at least make people wonder about me and my tastes :P

movie marathon continues with small break

Ok took a break from movies cause last night I did something different i decided to do my version of a pub crawl - instead sitting all by my lonesome and moping that I am all by myself - I went out and moped - no just kidding

I parked At one end of the casino strip in Atlantic city and started wandering teh casinos (crawling) with a mission - instead of going from pub to pub to drink I was going from casino to casino looking for music

I started in the Taj and found a lounge act and caught a couple songs before they went on break - then headed to resorts - tried to find the tabou night club gave up and headed to sands - stopped at the Swingers bar but they were not going to have a band until 11 (the middle one did not show) so finished my orange vodka screwdriver and headed to Ballys - there I found the Blue Martini bar and enjoyed this 11 man ensemble that was a Motown cover (everything from Aretha, Marvin, Low Rider and more) stayed for an Orange rush martini, two sets and cute bartender ho kept getting me water - whee

Then I headed outside to one of the beach bars and caught a 80s 90s cover band while enjoying my diet coke. I still had a bunch of casinos left but decided to head back - but I had always wanted to check out the Casbah nightclub in the Taj

so I went and DAMN I LIKE - they have dancers and basically a floor in the middle, a metal railing around (so I could lean, dance drink my Smirnoff Ice and watch (ok and drool...) oh man) and continuous techno mix - the outer edge is rimmed by two bars, some tables then special enclave exclusive booths that have curtains that can be drawn. Add in the bubble and steam effects they occasionally turned on covering the dance floor in steam and bubbles (man when Shakira's newest song came on the place went wild complete with bubble mania) but I got to dance some and the techno beat was pumping and good.

So then headed back through Taj, caught the end song of another group at the one lounge and then headed home.

But will continue movie marathon along with chores for rest of weekend.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

madness movie style

OK let it be knownthe movie "Pirates" is a baaaaaaaaaaaaaad movie and I LMAO

I mean lines like

may your balls turn into breasts

or I think I shit my pants

and of course more pirate groans and moans than well a shipfull of drunken sailors....Oh My Gawd

Although the lead Jules, she was a hottie :P

And as the movie man warned - "This is not the Pirates of the Carribean, it's a HARD R - I guess he meant hard body R - OH MY GAWD - :-P

More movies

Ok Aeon Flux (my second viewing) was good. Like the actress and the plot and kick butt action scenes always get me going. I actually have not seen the animated series or read anything. I think I may have to rent the series and check it out.

Hmm that makes me think about the different books that make it to moives and movies made into books and all the good, bad and ugly associated with that....

Took a break from movies but on to next

Friday, August 18, 2006

movie marathon update

Ok long week, blah week, lots going on, but...

rented a bunch of movies for tonight and weekend

so movie one is done - "Almost Normal" I liked it - the premise is different, a little formulaic but who cares and liked the music and the actors/actresses. It was cute, sweet and the boy gets the boy in the end, makes me go awww.

on to next movie

Monday, August 14, 2006

capturing your attention

It is often oddly fascinating what things catch's someone's attention and holds it.

Some people watch operations and such for hours on Discovery health. Some watch court cases and other real TV type things. Some turn on sports channels and watch marathons and other repetitive sports/challenges/etc.

My mother would tune into the NASA channel which would 24/7 show the space shuttle when it would be up in space

they are adding a couple new building s and other construction to the high school here. I stood just watching some of the construction fascinated. The problem at hand is new pipes being put in. A guy is using a big claw backhoe machine to tear up the cement there. I was amazed at how he used it almost like an extension of a hand at some points to pound on the stuff trying to break it, then tear and claw it up and finally gently (yes I use that term here because) it almost looked graceful sometimes the way he maneuvered the huge claw to place these huge slabs of heavy concrete into a dump truck. The whole process looked so effortless and it was easy to forget we were talking a lot of weight and sometimes clumsy large machines... I was captivated - it was also nice to zero in on nothing else but watching.

It amazes me what activities can just hold someone's attention and why....

I'd love to find out things like that about people - it's the curious George in me : ) Plus I love to listen to people even about the odd details and things that make them tick. If you ever wanna talk, always give me a ping - I love to listen and be captivated :P

Friday, August 11, 2006


They say everyone makes mistakes, the key is to learning from and moving on said mistakes to make the future better. I made some mistakes and right now I have learned it hurts, it hurts so very fucking bad. I hope to learn the other stuff later, once it stops hurting

Right now pretty much everything feels fucked to me because some shit and fuckedness went down at work Thursday. Actually work has been getting shittier and shitter the last few months and well it hit a bad point yesterday - I have never cried at work like I did yesterday and I still feel...

See right now my family life is really shitty as some of my sisters are having bad problems and things are fucked there. My one sister continues to screw her life and is getting into alcohol, is going out with a new person every night almost, not taking care of her kids and the list goes on. Another is having major financial and family issues and the third is having family issues and barely hanging on - plus they all live in Arizona.

My social life is shitty as it is nonexistent - I rarely see anyone if not work related or if I make myself go out, but then when I go out, it is alone and maybe I say a few words to a stranger while waiting in line but nothing in terms of a social thing. I have very few friends, Of those friends (which I could count using 10 fingers or less), there are none here, where I live that I actually visit or visit me or hang out with - I really only have a small group of friends via the Internet and lately they have been really busy or have their own lives and have not been around so I have been seeing not even every much of them (seeing here means talking to them online or maybe the occasional call for a couple of them).

Releationship, wll again there is another crapper of a portion of my life, since splitting with my ex about 2 and a half years ago, I have been on two dates and that's it - no gf, no dates, nobody in that arena and somehow with ever passing day I wonder more and more if there ever will be anyone to hold and love and cuddle and be with.

And now work has become an area that's more blah then happy or getting through the day. My work place was the one area (besides my daughter which there are issues there but my daughter which I have joint custody of is a very private issue and not for this discussion in any other way) that kinda got me through the other eh and ick parts life throws at you.

The others are music (I love music and concerts) and my writing and posting (which has not been happening as I said those people have not been around as much. Especially a certain someone I am kinda afraid that person is going to go away and not be around anymore and take away that very special avenue of writing, posting and chatting and being a friend (I think of them as a friend, i hope they think of me as a friend... I never asked, was too afraid too, especially since I like that person a lot, yes the term crush and actually other terms come to mind, but eh, sometimes those you wish you knew in certain ways just doesn't work out or happen....)

But I hope they do not go away as that person next to my sister have been 2 of the three reasons to look forward to the next day about - and off course that is a bummer, but that is something I leave for my healthy what if and fantasies and yeah ok I really wish I could know this person as more than a friend but this person is happy with someone else, has a life and I would never be the type of person to fit in her life) But back to work, now work has become a place I dread, a place I cry about and at and a place that I right now do not find to be something I look forward to, so another area of my life that's just shitty.....

There are moments and granted I have a lot to be and I am thankful for, but somehow things just seem to be kinda bad and I'm hurting a lot more than I'm not lately and it's getting harder to keep looking at it from the optimistic perspective and fact there could be worse happening to me.... cause see the thing is there could be better happening too.....

Monday, August 07, 2006

Miss List

Caught Broad Banned Saturday night and enjoyed that - I stayed for all three of their sets because they played down in Cape May which was closer than the venues they usually play in. I even got a bottle opener keychain - most cool : ) they played at Cabanas which is too small but a nice place although I hate the parking situation down there. I try to go there though especially during winter months when they stay open - so much closes up because of the tourist seasonality. I actually try to frequent any place that stays open, plus I know it is discouraging for bands to play to five people - trust me I have been one of the five people at many a session.... I always appreciate it though and listen and enjoy...

Only have three more classes to teach for the summer class and the third class consists of the final test - which then I have to grade and get grades in - but whew, that will be all complete. I think I may be teaching Environmental science this Fall in addition to everything else - but that is of everything going on right now the funniest thing I've come across in a bit... considering my social life is nonexistent except when I go out by myself somewhere, I have not been in a relationship since my ex left - I was thinking about that the other day -you know not so much even being in a relationship - I realized there are just certain things I miss... (and yes I realize I have so much compared to others but still, there's something missing... ala Stacie orrico - "There's Gotta Be More To Life."

  • I miss having someone around when things are really going cool as much as having someone around when things go ick
  • I miss having someone to do things with that then I can talk to about the thing, even more so than doing the event is having someone who experienced it and understands so they can talk about it
  • I miss listening to someone - I love to listen and watch and I miss that more than I miss having someone to talk to
  • CUDDLING - OH GOD I MISS THAT - and HUGS - I mean I have hugs from my daughter and the occasion when I see my family but those are not often and they are not the same as hugs from that special someone.
  • I miss Kissing - I am not good at it, but I would love to have someone to practice with/on
  • I miss dancing - I can not dance but love to but am too shy to get out there much, I miss having someone push me out there and out of my shell
  • I miss cuddling on the couch? Did I mention that - I mean just sitting on the couch, saying nothing, watching TV but cuddling, even just leaning gently against someone
  • I miss, of course, a certain physical activity :-P ok yes I miss
  • I miss knowing when I drive home from my class or work or the grocery store, that there is someone that will be around the house, someone I have to be mindful of and consider and ask before I do certain things and share things with or not share things with
  • I miss having someone I can trust with my life, love and deepest ideas - the silly, dork ideas
  • I miss being a dork with someone (I decided that needed a bullet of its own -dorkiness and being fucking stupid silly is important and a lost art form)
  • I miss exploring with someone - I like adventure but there is only so much you can do alone
  • I miss cuddling and hugging oh wait I already mentioned that, didn't I : ) hmmmmm sensing a favorite here :P
  • I miss having someone else make the decisions sometimes - ok that is weird but it really makes sense, honest
  • I miss family - I have my daughter but she is with me only part of the time and is a 6 year old, my three sisters are 1000s of miles away and with the crap going on right now I may get to see them even less so - I miss family
  • I miss silent communication - that glance, glare, face, gesture, whatever that you learn to know, react too and take care off

There is more - but I am too melancholy to go on - if reading and you are alone and have things you miss, feel free to add to the list. I know they say to have a friend, you need to be a friend, but damn it is hard to go out there - I'm not the one to make a move nevermind a first move, sigh - I miss having someone make the first move - lol

Ah well, have a day - I know I'll get through this one somehow : )

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


I think for the first time ever or in a long long time I truly hate my job. No not talking about stress or not liking the pressure or something someone said or such, no, i truly hate my job so badly right now it hurts, hurts and for the first time in a long time I wish, i wish I did not work there. Hopefully this mood and day will go away very soon - it is mixing with everything else and just... i really really hate things and my mood and certain aspects of my life right now :-/

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

looooonnnngggggg weekend spilling into week

This past week, weekend and the week starting has been really long and tiring and seems not to be getting too much past the unmotivated blah moving through this day to get to the next and not much else.

Some major stuff going on with two of my sisters has me in a dark, deep rut. Especially since those issues seem to be bringing my thoughts to my own blah issues and it just all combines into a rut.

On other topics - had the house inspected for termites and while I am free, have major ant issues and such so will be getting the house sprayed Friday.

had a great, funny conversation with my one sister (the one not having bad, major issues right now) - it included (and do not ask me how we got on this) but included discussion of jelly boob things you can buy at Walmart - that came about because my sister had told my other sister one day it looked like her certain features had been "sucked in" which led to many jokes and thus the discussion of the ways to enhance a certain feature.

The Bridging program starts tomorrow - hope that goes well. Also plugging through my summer class. And counting down until I go to Dragon COn - that'll be a very good break.