Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Man where did the weekend go?

I ended up getting some things done this weekend much to my amazement.

Looks like I may be teaching Physical science for Cumberland County College this summer (yes I am nuts).

Managed to get a bunch of chores done including starting to work on my front yard - still a-ways to go and of course there is the wild jungle in the back. Also got to do something I really like with someone on Sunday - although that is still a depressing subject (I wish things were different and could work out in a perfect "take things to next step level" and that I had the guts to find out one way or the other although I know things are wayyyy to different and this other person would never think of or be interested and why ruin what you got for something that ain't happening and damn if I could find a person just like her I'd not be lonely and be happy and....... blech...) and yes I am such as dweeb on that particular subject as my sister tells me, but then lonely is the lot in life. But at least I am trying to find fun moments in between the all alone so there is a lot of good going on too....

Caught a couple music sets this weekend. Saturday headed to Caffery's in Forked River and caught all three sets of - one of my favorite cover bands. I really like their sets and everyone sings and participates. Got to talk to the drummer some in-between sets and learned some about touring and what it takes to set up gigs. I have more questions on that which means I have a good excuse for catching them again sometime and hounding the poor drummer and her band mates with my silly questions (I did learn the answer though to a question I had, the drummer is married - damn it can't have the person I referenced earlier and now no drummer, awww poopheads dramatic sigh and wry laughter :-P

Sunday was awesome crazy music wise. I headed into Atlantic City, House of Blues (big mistakey on MD weekend but ah well). But it was to see a tribute band, Lez Zepplin. F-in-K I fell hook line and sinker in love. I am purchasing tickets as we speak for their next concert. The four women were awesome, awesome, the Page guitarist, she is a goddess and watching her play - during her bow solo -ok this sounds guttural and crass but I have never ever seen someone fuck a guitar (not make love, not like use it as an implement ir ick like that.... I mean making down and dirty and physical and OMG sexy making me and 100 guys in that room drool and caressing the thing as if it were a lover and... ok I stop now - lol) Shit, and just everything was good including the show they put on..... I highly recommend them even if not a Zepplin fan.

Summer concert list filling up but still, alas I am all alone. But they include
Lez Zepplin next weekend

Ø Aretha Franklin
Ø Hillary Duff (do not ask - I am taking a 6 year old, but hell I admit I like a bunch of her stuff like Come Clean adn Fly - so there)
Ø Panic at the Disco!, Dresden Dolls and The Hush Sound (Oh I am stoked about that one)
Ø O.A.R and Jack's Mannequin (yes the stoked feeling continues)
Ø And more to come - wheeeeeeeee

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Connections and Pathways

There is something, not surreal, but a word like that sitting watching 5 - 9 year olds play T-ball. It is wonderful when the kid hits the ball and then runs after it grabs it, gives it to the other team then heads for the base :-D

Or when a kid in the outfield stands there spinning and spinning and spinning and then falls down dazed.....

Of course there are plenty of moments with 12 kids all running across the field after the ball and such.

After I recover from my T-ball experience I am hoping to catch my favorite cover band tonight and then I have a ticket to see Lez Zepplin (a female Led Zepplin and more cover band) tomorrow.

I made it through the presentation Thursday - whew - it went so-so. Talking about curriculum at 4pm thursday when many are taking Friday off because of the three day weekend is tough - but I made it through.

The person who is the director of the program and I spoke a bit before the meeting and it was interesting listening to him. He teaches lasers and physics at the community college as well as coordinating this high school to college program.

He actually created certain laser techniques that are used by the police/FBI for fingerprinting. He was talking about some of the cases he went on... whew the one he mentioned was like a movie (he was called in at 3am to find a car riddled with dozens of gun shots and went through over a 1000 shell cases to find fingerprints as a mob person was in the back of the bullet ridden car.

But now instead of that he is running this tech prep program - it is interesting teh connections and pathways people walk - that is why I love talking to people and asking questions - to find out these connections and life walks.

Well for now dishes are calling - wow what a fun chore - ah well - music later is always good.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

vegas antics

Vegas – lots of fun

Well everyone finally got in last night – we only walked around a little. As I was waiting for them to arrive – I occupied myself for over 30 minutes and only spent 2 quarters. How you ask (well you may not be asking but if you are still reading then I swear I heard you say how).

The hotel we are in has this horse racing game – it has five plastic horses and they go around a track with random speeds and run a race. You bet on which two horses will come in first and second. I won over 60 quarters but ended up playing them all. But it was a nice long time to keep me occupied.

Today we walked all over – we started at Mandalay Bay and I've got some good photos and I got this cool surfboard necklace. The we headed up into Luxor and the Excalibur. That was fun. I played a dart game and won a bunny – hurray.

In New York New York I was playing this dice game and ended up winning 31 bucks – gooooo me. We then hot Aladdin and stayed around for the indoor rainstorm show.

Then got ready and went and saw the musical Avenue Q – man that was weird and good. It is very crass and unPC and not for everyone and I laughed my ass off the entire time. It was also fun watching how others reacted. Songs like the Internet is good for porn and everyone is a little racist and people have misfortunes so others can laugh at them is just a sampling of what this musical brings.

After that we hit Treasure Island and got to watch fancy bartending in this neat club and tried many funky drinks then watched the Sirens of TI show. – Wahoo barely dressed women dancing around on a pirate ship… exploitation at its best.

It is amazing to just walk around and watch the incredibly diverse mix of people, personalities and just totally f*ing weird shit that comes together in Vegas.

OK on to bed and then up for more fun and looking at all the awesomely cool stuff and architecture and people. Next time though I need to drag someone with me I know…

Friday, May 19, 2006

Las Vegas First Impressions

OK quick update for now – I'm in Vegas – flights were ok – first one was delayed because of rain and I ran but made my connection. Then I waited in the world's longest taxi line – no shit. I have never seen anything like it I swear it had 7 wrap around lines and took me as long in the line as the cab ride did. It was like a Disney amusement ride line or something – lol It was fun watching as new people got in line and realized how f*ing long the line was - their comments and looks were awesome and fun

The cab driver was nice – chatted away – he's from Brooklyn but been out here 22 years and loves it – commented about all the new developments and such.

Staying in the Frontier – the casino whose front sign proclaims…

Yes my kinda hotel – lol

I got here first waiting for the others to get in – I think we are hitting Fremont Street tonight. Not sure… should be fun – and yes my sister has already made me promise to ride the bull machine – that should be incredibly stupid, silly, dorky and fun….

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

yes I like Pinball

Man i love playing pinball - after walking some (made two and half miles today) on teh boardwalk, stopped in at the arcade to catch a few games (played Lord of the Rings this evening) - I do enjoy playing - just put on my headphones and music (This evening's selection included The Like) and go for bumping, flipping and keeping that little steel ball moving. It's really nice sometimes to have something moving forward and going and not thinking about anything but having fun and that little steel ball.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Life's nasty curve balls

A former student of mine just Im'd me to let me know that a student from the same class she took from me was killed this Friday in a domestic altercation. The student who Im'd me I think needed to talk (I can appreciate needing someone to just talk to and work through things) and went over a lot about the class and her classmates and staying in touch with people and other things (the student that was killed was one of the better students in the class, an older woman with 2 kids, 3 and 13, was very out going in personality and worked at an alternative high school and was always very busy and participated in the extra credit stuff - including a field trip which the student that IM'd me also went on - that was a great trip and I even have a blog entry somewhere about it...). Some Mother's Day for that family :-( fuck I hate when the world reminds me of how many nasty crevices are sprinkled through out the good things. Although this also makes me pause and realize for all I feel I have missing, along with all of the little crevices I have in my life filled with blah or sadness or such, I do have a lot of good things too....

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Funny How One Thing Triggers Another and Another and...

This week has been a whew and glad it is gone and over week.

Got back form the conference and worked to catch up on work – still lots of projects but slowly starting to get almost a pinky finger above water – lol. The atmosphere at work is still odd and off due to the changes in administration (such as my boss retiring), the contract negotiations, in-fighting in staff, rumors and the gossip mill on overtime (I swear it is churning out so much shit we will soon have the highest mountain in the world in our school's backyard. Of course it will not be made of granite but of crap, hot air and such….

I did get a piece of good in amongst the bad, unsure and unmotivated news – I got my letter at work that I have, pending contract negotiations of course, been offered a contract for next year. That means I have my job for at least another year – hurray. Of course my job is such if they really wanted they could cut my job at anytime and such but hey at least I got a renewal for a year. We can start to worry now about next year... well next year – lol

The bad part of the week and what prompted the title of this entry was what happened with my sister. Early in the week she started feeling intense pain and soon could barely walk so she went to the ER. They did a ton of tests and then told her that her ovaries were so full of cysts that they could barely be seen on the one CAT scan and that some were rupturing causing the pain. They then scheduled her for more tests and told her to see her Gyno to find out the exact extent of the problem.

So we spent a week getting her more tests and waiting and wondering if it was cancer, would need surgery or such... and that got me to thinking about a lot of things... a lot of things

Well Friday we learned while there is a little problem because the cysts are not going away and the rupturing causes the pain, she does not have cancer and for now no surgery – they will monitor and if things change then do more.

But this whole week I have been really... well honestly... scared. I love all three of my sisters, but to be honest with two of them we are sisters but not real close, we've had problems in the past and also they are kinda distant and standoffish a lot of the time so we might chat every couple of weeks (my one sister walked out on me once and did not talk to me for over a month – that's another story) but I am really not too close to them. But my third sister

She is truly the only person in the world who really knows me and to whom I have never really lied or would lie. She knows me better than anyone, she has always been close, even closer and knew more about me and such than my ex – I talk to her about everything and she really keeps me from going off on things a lot of the time.

See I do not really have many friends and not many I talk to about things and no one else except my sister that I talk to about some things and share stuff with. I also don’t laugh with others like I do her and just well, I have very little support and such and people around and I got real scared thinking about losing her, the fact that I do not have a lot of people around and other things too...

And this lead to thinking about certain topics and left me really bummed and in a blue funk blah mood the whole week and still finding certain thoughts keeping me awake at night... But it also was interesting to see how I could trip along from one subject to another and pull in things and finding old past memories popping up and then of course there were the dreams/nightmares, my subconscious Id/mind had a field day this week.

The weird thing is my sister on the phone yesterday kinda said the same thing. How she had been thinking about weird things and stuff she had not thought about in a long time…. Ah the mind is a funny thing... just wish I could laugh...

Ah well – I do find good distractions here and there (and will find others beside my sister to share them with, just lots of patience and enjoying things as I do) – but I caught a couple cover bands last night, reading a couple really good books, got a couple of weird movies, which as soon as I watch I'll have to comment on (Such as Aeon Flux and a few other odd titles). Got in a five mile walk this morning and almost finished with grades for my classes – whew-whee : ) And of course best of all is my sister is going to be ok... very best of all.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Wow my last day in the Windy City

Had a good day. I started out catching the train into downtown and got my ticket for the 2:00 Culture and Commerce architecture tour. Then I walked all the hell over until the tour. Ended up stopping at Portillo's and got pizza. Yesterday I had this awesome Italian Beef and cheddar with sweet peppers on the side croissant at the same place. I like that place and need to go back just to try the polish sausage and other menu fare.

Today was warm and most completely awesomely gorgeous. Yesterday I froze my butt off. Chicago is like bi-polar or schizoid or something in terms of the weather – lmao

But walked around and got these cool pewter mystical figures to add to my collection. I almost got a dagger for my dagger collection but I was good. But what I got will go along with my other souvenir, a bracelet from the Field museum (it is Egyptian hieroglyphics for the word friend).

I like to get bracelets or a ring or necklace when I go somewhere; then I can say my body ornamentation is multicultural - lol - although they rarely say the place I am picking them up they usually are some other theme – like the bracelet I got in Chicago. My sister says why do you not collect shot glasses, magnets or something normal from the places you go instead of daggers and bracelets and such – I say what, you mean what I get isn't normal – lmao

The architecture tour was awesome. We got to go inside a bunch of places and hit Millennium Park and such. Plus learned things like why Chicago is called the Windy City and what a Chicago Window (in terms of architect) is…. – I want to go on all the tours and will come back just for those…. I think the Architect tours were the best then the Field museum and yes, I liked the "mystical" (that is said with tongue in cheek regarding the mystical part) Neil Tobin show and Excalibur (lol).

Going to just pack, work on grades and chill until I have to leave (I have to check out at like 330am to make sure I make my flight – man – I sleepy on plane for sure…. :)

I will miss this city a lot. Of all the places I have been so far – I find myself liking Chicago best of all and could live there (except the fricking, fuking, beeyatchey I-90 drive to and from my hotel which was nasty and as long as the train ride in or out – I feel bad for people doing that commute everyday)

Seeing Things from someone's else's perspective

Ok so Saturday was a good day trip wise – mediocre mood wise – so it means the teeter-totter of life was balanced slightly higher in the good direction – hurray.

Started by sleeping in – not setting the alarm – and that is such an unusual event for moe. I realize I set the alarm a lot and keep myself on a certain schedule – not always so much like a planned, anal schedule (I am quite scattered-brained and forgetful) but I am also moving type schedule and always have something to be done. Which is still true during the trip but I have been not setting the alarm – and will not set it when I go to bed tonight either… but alas back to setting it for Monday to get up to go :(

So finally when I did get up I took my trip on the train – YAY! I actually only did into main downtown and did not ride on the loop train but still – and it was cheap and easy and what I will do tomorrow.

I then went on a walking architecture tour – which in an unplanned (see trying not to schedule) move I will go in town tomorrow and if they have any openings in their tours I will go on one. But today I went on the 2 hour modern skyscrapers tour and it was awesome.

I loved listening to the stories behind the buildings and learning how much of a building is planned and why and styles and all that.

Spending time looking up and around and through someone else's eyes is a great activity and especially so with the idea of using steel, glass, concrete in an artistic yet functional way. Plus having been walking by these buildings during the week I now appreciate them and notice different things.

Sometimes having a reminder that things exist for many different reasons and people plan things sometimes for the oddest reasons is good. It is a gentle reminder that not everything is from your perspective or might not be meant the way you interpret it.

This is good (and that leads back to something else that happened or did not happen this weekend and why I am harping on scheduling and seeing things in many different ways). But I learned my lesson this week – sometimes plans and such just do not work out and scheduling, no matter what you try, is a two sided coin and needs both sides in some sort of unity if things are to work out.

I also have had a lot going on and a lot is yet to come in terms of events going to/have already occurred to shake up my life. I know going back to work on Tuesday will be hard and who knows what I face….

My two college classes are winding down – grades should be completely finished by the 17th – I have a few more labs to grade (posted the last lab for the one class today). One more lecture to give and then two tests (one each class) to grade. Add in final grade calculation and whew those are over then.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Defying Gravity

A side note about yesterday before on to today – the three other teachers wanted to walk Michigan Ave (the place with tons of shops) – well they got into it and knew the stores and clothing and really were trying things on and some even bought some – but I felt so out of place. In the one store while they are looking at dresses and skirts and outfits I found myself interested in this multiple tool in one (with a cool stapler, scissors, tape measure and other gadgets)

Another clothing store I looked around but then headed out and ended up standing outside listening to some street musician.

One store in the mall I realized I was standing around much like the other guys who were drug into the Anne Taylor's Loft. I actually went out to stand at the mall railing and people watched – I actually wrote a little drabble story based on that (which I will try to post later as soon as I find the brochure I wrote it on – lol)

I mean I did like looking at some things and stores and Michigan Avenue is awesome - but from a perspective of the people coming and what is available in general - not so much for actual buying of stuff that I'd like. But I really realized being with the other teachers that I really am not much like a lot of the people I work in terms of interests…. Ah well – different strokes for different folks and all that… just means harder to find people to hang with – I will some day – I will keep trying.

Anyhoos, the conference is over. Our presentation went very well and I am glad I did it but also glad it is over. A woman at our talk works at Rutgers University in NJ and does things on Technology and Literacy - I think I am going to email her and ask her about getting into the program there and doing stuff with her - what she described sounded soooo awesome - I would love to go back to school and do research and learning.......

Now I spend the weekend hanging in the area doing really touristy things. Started by getting a rental car which Budget screwed up on.

I was supposed to get a little compact car like a Ford Focus – perfect for driving around the city and unfamiliar places as it is like my car and easy to drive. Well I am checking out and they give me the price for the compact – good – and then I get to the car and it is a frickin' Outlander – I can not drive this thing – it is a sucky car so far – I can not adjust the seat right, I am using a pillow from the hotel and my back hurts – plus it is like driving a box and the blind spots are bad – damn it – but I will work it out.

Then saw Wicked – another teacher was staying til tomorrow and she had not seen the musical – I saw it in New York. Well it was F*ing awesome (hence the title of this entry). We also stopped at a couple of bookstores and I picked up the soundtrack plus the new Dresden Dolls CD and a cd by The Like. I also got this cool mini orange construction cone that says do not disturb me I am already disturbed enough – lmao

But the musical was so good, like awesome to the max and all that – I like the score and the main actors were great. I also like the messages a few of the songs give like defying gravity and yes I cried a teeny at the end – I am such a sap. But I really do need to try and work through a few things and hope life gets even better in a few areas – I feel like the I'm Not That Girl sometimes but the message in the musical (among others) is anyone can find someone who sees them for what they have to offer as a whole package and that you'll find the person who you enjoy being with… sometimes when you least expect it…. As a side note – those two lead actors totally rocked on Popular – I still got that one and defying gravity in my head –

So I leave you with a fitting blonde moment (although even as a natural blone I have nehvar, ehvar done this - honest... "And Toss, Toss." hehehehehehe

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

exploring as always

Still going strong at the reading conference and Chicago but things on mind and busy as always.

Yesterday enjoyed a day at the conference and then the conference people through this gala – they transformed the Navy pier into the different neighborhoods of Chicago. You could walk through and eat and watch entertainment. In one section they had fortune tellers and the teachers I was with wanted to go. So I asked since I was so lonely would I find someone (hey this was free and they brought in serious tellers what the heck) – she gave me some nice things to think about and was honest (as she said "You will have to kiss a hell of a lot of toes before finding the right frog that turns into a princess" – yes her words not mine she got that I am looking for the princess not a prince – go figure :) so I have work but hope – so where's my princess already?)

The evening ended with a live band, dancing and it was a nice time.

Today more conference and meeting authors and trying hard not to buy a ton of books – oh I love reading. Then walked a little around part of downtown Chicago before hitting the House of Blues for dinner and some good music (and a nice little floor show at the bar watching these women picking up some men).

Tomorrow is conference then seeing a little more of Chicago – man this is an awesome town.