Monday, February 28, 2005

This and That

Well more of the icky white stuff assaults our area and once again I go all paranoid. PEOPLE Listen up – clean off your cars. I so hate people leaving snow on their car, getting in and driving down the road and then I get behind and it is like a fricking video game – first I get the blizzard as the loose small stuff comes off and fills my vision and messes up my windshield.

Then the chunks start peeling off and it is like dodge'em – I have seen some major chunks come off these big SUVs and take out cows (okay not cows but take out road signs – I did see that, and wow I went OH SHIT as the speed limit sign fell over I also was laughing I have to admit)

And watch the ice poop people – you know what ice poop is – that scum that builds up in the tire well and then periodically drops out it - is icy clumpy and usually blackish brown – ice poop. Those things are murder in parking lots and such – I have slipped and stumbled over a few – of course that is because I was not watching – but hey in today's climate – I am always looking to blame someone else – lol

I taught at a parochial school this morning - How to do WebQuests - a group oriented activity teachers can use with students in the classroom - so after talking about the Internet, WebQuests, scaffolding and all the fun stuff, I boogied out of the school and headed home all the while hoping the white stuff falling would not start sticking - actually it still is not - won't until later tonight, crap stuff.

Meanwhile trying to clean around the house and create exam for my Physical Geology students (who are paranoid about that – it is their first test and I keep getting, um okay is this on the test, is this? People if I am teaching it, it is important, so fine yes it is on the test – lol)

But I can relate I remember stressing over exams and like still stress over my form of an exam which in the work world is presentation in front of the superintendent or getting up and giving a workshop or presenting at a conference (oh conference travel update - so far have four I am going to one semi-local, two in Nashville and one in San Diego - but potential for many more trips - supervisor keeps making me director of different programs around the school and sending me places to present or attend)

Plus got selected to sit on a state committee for our technology standards. We have standards for each subject to be taught in school set by the state Department of Education – I got picked to help define one of the technology standards and to write example lessons for teachers in the state to use to help demonstrate how to teach that standard in the classroom – it is cool but more work – I am a hyperdimensional-tasking fool (as mentioned before multi-tasking is just not good enough for me anymore – lol)

But yes LOL I get stage fright every time I have to teach - takes about five minutes into the presentation before I start to be okay and sometimes even then I still have butterflies and can barely hear my voice above my heart - lol an introvert wallflower who also is a teacher and enjoys hanging out - just not talking - hehe I am too self conscious

Waiting to see how youngest sister does with surgery - tried getting ahold of her all day yesterday and never did :( hope she is okay... I am sure it will be fine... it better be, she annoys the shit out of me but would not want to think about her not being around acting like a major hussy wacked out bipolar needs to grow up and I love so much sister that she is….

Getting closer to end of March – lots of things going on… the sister I helped to buy a car because she is pregnant and does not need extra stress of waiting for rides in hot Az sun or such is doing well with car – it seems to be working out well which is cool …. Man another nephew or Niece coming that means I will have 10 – whew-whee

Visiting home Easter and planning major Easter family thing… my daughter will be in NJ while I am out in AZ – kinda weird but then it is life

This weekend – well march 3 – 6 is Jazz at the point – lots of shows at different places and you buy one ticket and like bar hop and such – trying to find people to go with me – if not I go it alone as usual – love music and watching people so that helps mask the fact I am attending these things all alone – and hey got Vanessa Carlton tickets for mid march as well – love music.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Not liking the white stuff


the scarriest words in my vocabulary right now - lol

Okay I hate snow. well I do not hate snow per se - just I do not like having to drive or go out in it. I grew up in Fla and Az and admit I can not drive in the stuff and I am a hazard on the road (plus my Saturn SL2 just was not meant to go off roading in winter weather - lol) - snow itself is not bad and does mean cuddling and laughing when you can have fun in it, just do not like having to drive in it....

I have had a few experiences driving in this stuff and all have ended not so great - including one time I was trying to make a simple right turn into my work and suddenly found my car doing a 360 so I ended up facing the total opposite way in the turn lane across the road - luckily was able to now make a left turn into my work (instead of the original right) and then huddled in the bathroom almost puking for 15 minutes until my nerves settled....

I have never done any winter sports (again growing up in warm climates and having no money growing up to travel anywheres) - but I admit I would like to snowboard at least once in my life, maybes tubing, skiing and even ice skating (although I can not even roller skate and have never roller bladed so I would probably be butt skating not ice skating - lmao or should I say slide my butt off - anyways)

Now in NJ when it snows even a little we get school closings and such (why I am home today) and I know people up North are laughing there butts off at me and us wackos but then again we just do not deal with the white stuff so why not close stuff down, it is dangerous driving and such in that junk.

plus the big-ass SUVs like to get behind little cars like me and flash their lights and tailgate you and everything when you are trying to go slow and stay alive - I think some of them get their kicks outta how many little cars they can like push off the road, maybe they have little trophies they wrap in their grill, like my bumper - lol

well off to plow some more white stuff outta my drive and sidewalk in an attempt to keep it clear for going to work in the morning - at least I am getting exercise - okay trying to convince myself there is good to the white - maybe I should go out and jump in the growing pile and just act crazy like I really like this stuff - eh with my luck the one time I try to get all giddy and excited I jump right into a nice bank of bright yellow snow - lol ah my luck.... blech, white stuff

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Hinge Points revisited

Listening to Bowling for Soup - Almost [3:26] - A Hangover You Don't Deserve Through one of the radio stations on (I like this Internet radio site – have lots of stations in my favorites list.)

I like the song and this song is really all about hinge points (see one of my earlier entries for what I call a hinge point) like the song (lyrics are quirky and kinda really makes me think of Will (guess she was an almost hnge point - a kinda wish she was - lol) - sigh) anyways back to this and that

Monday, February 21, 2005

The Possessed Printer and other Woes

from a chat a bit ago..........................

ME: heyya
ODDFRIEND#1: hey dude
ODDFRIEND#1: so sup?
ME: not much breaking my printer
ME: :-)
ODDFRIEND#1: um why are you breaking your printer?
ME: well it got jammed and is now not doing anything lol
ODDFRIEND#1: well you are software person and not hardware person... LOL
ME: ok this sucks
ODDFRIEND#1: hmm is it dead Jim?
ME: damn it
ME: :-)
ODDFRIEND#1: um taking that as a yes
ME: damn blinking lights you'd think it was frickin merry xmas
ODDFRIEND#1: hehe have you pushed the blinking lights?
ME: yes mom I turned it on
ME: i pushed its buttons and now it is pushing mine
ME: okay this is scary
ODDFRIEND#1: hmm why?
ME: it is like having a seizure
ODDFRIEND#1: is it a possessed printer?
ME: I am wondering
ME: and I just put a new ink cartridge in which is what started this
ME: well that and jamming a piece of paper
ME: well it seems to be printing just seems to really shake more than I remember - lol
ODDFRIEND#1: haha possessed
ME: and hmm the test page finally came out
ME: I think colors are missing
ME: damn it wants color ink too greedy bastard
ODDFRIEND#1: its dead
ME: it can;t be dead
ME: okay now it is being a wise ass
ME: it is acting like nothing is wrong
ME: all lights and such normal
ME: but not printing
ME: I hurt its feelings
ME: damn it
ME: I am sorry crappy piece of HP printer I was making fun of you
ODDFRIEND#1: hmm how did you hurt its feelings... I know offer small sacrifices of kitchen appliances to it.
ME: please come back
ME: hehe
ODDFRIEND#1: ok turn it off
ODDFRIEND#1: hehe yep
ME: it is off
ODDFRIEND#1: ok turn it off and unplug it
ME: wait light still blinking
ME: dman it it is winking at me
ODDFRIEND#1: hehe then it's not off
ME: wait this is weird
ME: I pushed the off button and now it is printing
ME: I am gettign very scared here
ME: :-D
ODDFRIEND#1: well of course it is a wierd printer... it's housed with a weird person
ODDFRIEND#1: possessed dude
ME: it is going to start
ODDFRIEND#1: it has downloaded a computer demon
ME: printing out porn when i have guests over
ME: hehe
ODDFRIEND#1: haha I would love to see that
ME: I would not
ME: well not with guests over
ME: ;-)
ODDFRIEND#1: hehe but when you are by yourself more power to you
ODDFRIEND#1: why do I have images of mine and ODDFRIEND#3 posts printed out and in your grubby little hands as you are trying to take a nap
ME: ewwww
ME: and lol
ODDFRIEND#1: well am I right?
ME: no you are not right
ME: :-)
ME: my hands are not grubby ;-)
ODDFRIEND#1: hehe ok freshly washed hands then
ME: okay I think it is working finally but I ran out of paper

Other friend weighs in

ODDFRIEND#2: Tell it that it can be easily replaced. I have a brand new printer sitting around here doing absolutely nothing.
ME: oh so you think I should threaten it
ODDFRIEND#2: I usually do.
ME: are you the printer mafia?
ODDFRIEND#2: I've been known to give a few cement shoes.
ME: hehe

A little later

ODDFRIEND#2: Awesome. Night (if I don't see you laters)
ME: and there goes ODDFRIEND#1 my printer scared you all away
ME: night
ME: take care
ME: I am alone with my printer
ME: thanks peoples leave me to deal with the wacko equipment
ME: someone come online darn it
ME: :-)
ODDFRIEND#2: Remember, threaten it.
ME: hmmm I hear crappy spooky music playing
ME: of darn alarm clock radio turned on, maybe it is in league with the printer….
ME: *oh
ME: night

Ah the wonderful world of technology - lol

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Crankswirling, Bareny, Enimem Lily Tomlin and other unconnected yet related topics

Whew - four day weekends are great and awful – it like means the possibility of getting lots done and the reality of procrastinating until once again you are backed up against a deadline.

I'm actually not too far behind really – just always lots to do and yet I have odd times like now where I really am not sure what to do – eh another paradox, the typical norm for me – lol

Well helping sister (well now sisters) buy a car. This person bought a truck to help a friend who needs to pay for a townhouse. So the friend then needed to sell her car to get the money to help the friend. So I told my sister who could use a car and thus we helped the friend who bought the truck to help a friend to buy her townhouse and god this is sounding like that one children's song… the one that goes there's a hole, there's a hole, there's a hole in the bottom of the sea… and builds up like 20 things in a line by the end.

You know I was thinking about that last night as I lay in bed – I think about a lotta shit while laying in bed because it usually takes me anywhere from 15 to 45 minutes to fall asleep a lot of the time… anyways

I was thinking of children's songs and how today's generation really does not have that base of crazy ass weird children's songs running around in their head.

This thought came about because I was thinking about needing to write a test review sheet for the Geology class I am teaching

and that lead to thinking about using bullets to organize the review which lead to thinking about creating bullets in word which I had just taught at my other job (I have like 4 or 5 jobs)

and that lead to me thinking about work in general and those thoughts lead to thinking about how I like did not work much growing up until I got a job at a computer lab at the community college I was attending and that lead to thoughts of family and my mom because of our money situation growing up

and that lead to me thinking about how I use to like follow my mom because she had problems and I had to take care of her (well being the oldest and with no father, I felt it was my job to watch out for her) cause she was off sometimes and would do things (especially when she messed up her medication)

and that lead to general thoughts about how crazy my mom was and would burst out singing these crazy songs and how I knew a lot of them…

I mean Barney, Teletubbies, Bear in Bug Blue House, and all those good shows do have those funky songs that stick in your head worse than anything else… but you know a lot of people just do not have those kind of songs… what will today's kids sing to their kids? Eminem or others rapping about sucky ho cheap ass whatever????? (hmm here I am talking about children's song and I am using the word ass a lot – I really need to get out more often I think….anyhoo)

I mean like do not like get me wrong, I do listen to Eminem and his version of Mockingbird does blur the line between children's songs and the crap but still… although I do admit my daughter and I enjoy singing Michelle Branch, There She Goes, Hillary Duff, Cake, Garbage, Anastacia and a host of other songs together in the car and around the house. But damn it the first song I am learning on the piano (yes I have a keyboard and I am learning how to play… one day I will even make it official and seek out a real teacher…) is Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as well as Ode to Joy. I know people put targets on that purple-headed dino but he actually does serve a purpose, preserving the music of yesterday for the listeners of tomorrow

And yes, the crazy ramble path I outlined above is very typical for me and I often wander from one weird topic to the next in a second or less… being inside my brain for any length of time is guaranteed to send anyone to the loony bin simply because of the effort it sometimes takes to keep up with a really good crankswirl

Crankswirl is a word I and another person invented that means you start cranking out ideas on one topic and they like swirl into a totally different topic using various jumps that often are not spoken. So like you might say something and then something else that seems totally unrelated when in reality you thought about the 5 steps to get from point A to B just did not speak them, so you crankswirled.

But yes I crankswirl a lot whether lying in bed, driving in my car, talking to people (it is often amusing to be a fly on the wall watching people attempting to keep up with me when I am really having blonde, ramble, crankswirl days) or walking around just passing time.

My brain just likes to jump and hop and skip and well that is just the way I am wired. I think my wiring looks like the old fashioned switchboard telephone operator board – you know like on Laugh-in when Lily Tomlin played that one character (Ernestine P. something) and would plug people in and out – it is like all these crazy wires going in and out connecting to people well ideas cause I am talking about my brain not the telephone but anyways you know it is just like let's see there is an empty hole so plug it in and go from talking about how to create a web page to wondering why people used five screws in the light bulb fixture instead of four or six….. ahhh the wonderful world of crazy brained people like me :)

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

A Fairy Tale of a Woman and Three Cakes

Okay so starting this thing as all fairy tales start – sickeningly sweet – although you know true fairy tales were horror stories and very graphic and rated R at least not the kind PG that we see so much of or the PC ones we see released… although I like those too… hmmm wonder which kind of fairy tale this should be Disney or Grimm…… anyways

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived a good and kind woman. And this woman had always eaten pie. She found the pie had changed over the years and did not really seem as sweet, and good, and fun as it had once. And then one day the pie baker did not come by, he had decided to make his pies for another and so the poor woman had no pie anymore.

Well as she started getting back on track she found a new dessert, cake. Now as she looked at cakes, she found they were much more tasty than she had let herself believe. Actually she had looked at cakes before, a long, long time ago but had been swayed by the pie baker and so had not gone to the cakeside.

Welllll, as this woman moved through her day, she thought about cakes, but never felt the courage to start looking for cake bakers. She still had a bad taste in her mouth from the pie maker. But as she was always eying the cakes and she was a naturally good and kind woman, the cake bakers started noticing her, especially the ones who really wanted their cake eaten. Of course as fairy tales go, the poor woman and the cake makers seemed to miss each other and so the woman had no cake and the cake makers had no customer.

But suddenly the woman found one cake irresistible and it was totally by accident. She had always walked by this one place, especially right after the mean pie maker had left and the baker happened to be out as she would walk by so they would talk and say hello and not really talk about cakes or eating cake but about other things. And one day the woman realized, she wanted the cake. But alas the woman was too stupid and kind and decided not to approach the cake maker because, well just because, I did say the woman was a little dense. So even though the woman began to desire the cake and think about the cake and really, really, really wanted to eat the cake… she did nothing.

Meanwhile as she talked and moved through life, a couple of other cake makers started thinking the woman might be a customer, so they tried to get the woman to think about other things and to try their cake. And then suddenly, one day, the woman was sitting in her kitchen, wishing it was as easy as baking your own cake but knowing you could only bake your own cake so much before your hands got very, very tired... when she realized there was a dilemma in her life.

The little light bulb had gone on illuminating the fact she was thinking about these three specific cakes a lot and that she really should try to do something, because just going on through the day ignoring things was not working very well and the cake makers were not really being treated very fairly because the woman meant no harm but it still was not pleasing to have this potential person to eat their cake just sitting there thinking about their cake but doing nothing.

(Wow, I mean talk about your major tease and what a mean, evil, crappy thing for the woman to do and really inconsiderate and like playing with the cake and almost dropping it and smushing it all over and then saying it was an accident because she was too blonde and blind to see the cake and how much the cakemakers hoped to have a customer and, and, and, and oh yeah, trying to keep the editorials out of the tale – um breathe in, breathe out - back to the story….)

So the woman tried to think about the three cakes and what she should do

(and okay diverging into seeing Rambo or Arnold suddenly coming into this scene and going with a war cry and blowing up all the cake in extra slo-mo and cake guts splattered all over the place and….. okay back to fairy tale – damn blonde wandering brain – I think I am ADHD… where was I… oh look a shiny thing… j/k okay back to story)

So she decided to look at the cakes….

There was the first cake – the one she had fallen in love with accidentally, the one that somehow seemed to fit right in the place she had in her kitchen. The one she enjoyed talking about and wanted and thought about. But this cake actually was the one that she had never spoken about and now, even worse, the cake maker had relocated and even though she had not seen the cake for a very long time, she still found her thoughts going there even though she knew it was gone and would never be hers to eat.

The second cake was one she had known about as long as she had known the first even a little longer. She had actually even tried a little piece, once, but somehow, thinking about that first cake, complications with the way she had set up her kitchen and even traces of the pie still lingering around prevented her from going to that cake maker and getting the complete cake. And yet that cake was still there and the cake maker always listened to what she said and had actually taught her a lot about making cakes and for now the woman was not eating the cake but enjoyed talking to the cake maker.

Then there was this third cake, a newer baker to the town and one that was not as well known, but one that was very interesting and the baker was a very active chef and had been very bold to take the cake to the woman and asked her to try some which the woman had not said no but thoughts of cake one and cake two still kept her reservations up.

So three cakes, the desired dream, the true comfort and the new interest. (cue melodramatic soap opera organ music) Which would the woman bring home to have in her kitchen? Could the woman be happy and let the dream go and enjoy the fact that there are other cakes out there that she could and would enjoy? But what if she said yes to a cake and brought it home only to have the first cake maker show back up, knowing she would always want that first, would it really be fair to try another cake?

The end.

And okay, no I have not been drinking, taking anything, sniffing, huffing, nothing chemical in my system, no I am not sitting next to little green men or hearing animals speaking in strange tongues, no brain tumor diagnosed… this is all just freaky me rambling on… hey analogies/allegories are hard things to write – you try it. Hmmm, maybes i need a little more practice... lol

Sunday, February 13, 2005


Okay let's see if this is working

Music music music

I love music. Just about all kinds, love the way the lyrics and beat go together, love listening, reading lyrics, going to concerts, watching people react and interpret music - music moves us - drives us - tells so much about us.

So let's see who have I gotten to see recently… um

Finger Eleven (and three other local bands that opened for them)
Michelle Branch
Rooney (opened for Michelle)
The Zoltons
The Dresden Dolls (most awesome show I have ever been to)
Side effects (opened for the Dresden Dolls)
Regina Spektor (opened for the Dresden Dolls)
Bond (they were really good, classical music, trance beats, a nice stage show and four beauties)
Fuzzy Bunny Slippers (a great cover band)
Saw musical Rent on Broadway (Drew Lashley was lead and very good and cute and the person playing Angel – oh wow he nailed the role)

Trying to think if that is it…..

A lot of the concerts were in standing room mainly type concert venues so the tickets have been pretty cheap and always provide a great show in addition to the concerts - lol

I find some of the places I'd go are hard to get too and thus stop me (plus I usually attend all alone - don't have many friends and especially hard to find people who would go - so I strike out on my own, love the music too much not to go... so I fade into a corner and enjoy music and watch people, a little awkward being alone but I make it work - not going to let it stop me...) - so I'd probably be even poorer and see more if a little more convenient

Have tickets to go see
Live- Dora Pirate Adventure (must bow to musical inclinations of 4 year old)
Jesus Christ Superstar (at one of the standing room mainly concert venues should be interesting)

Looking for
Green Day
Tegan and Sara
Wanted to get The Wreckers tickets (I like Michelle) but timing stinks and may not work

Also the tour schedule is just starting up so who knows what may be coming up (lots of fun to be had no matter what :)

Saturday, February 12, 2005

life's supposed to be all about the happy damn it

well just checking in with the usual depressing crap that gets me down and I have learned not to really share with anyone much anymore except kathy cause i do not wanna bring people down

my one sis thinks the surgery was not complete and she still may be pregnant, I do not understand exactally what she is talking about (personally it sounds like spontaneous creation or something and my sister is definitely NOT the Virgin Mary, not close... - lmao) anyways so there are going to be more complications there - so instead of going back to get the one tube tied (she had the other removed because they found a dead fetus in her womb and an embryo was rupturing her fallopian tube - told you the drama never stops in our family - anyways) so now instead of just going to get the tube tied she may have to deal with more complications - will find out Monday I guess.

The my other sister is most likely pregnant as mentioned before and she is at a point where health wise i worry and fmaily wise I worry and just I thought birth was supposed to be happy and la la la - not so around our households I guess........

Still having thoughts about Will and complicated now because of Donovan - Donovan likes me, a lot and told me this and wants to maybes try something... i am still holding onto Will thoughts (Will was girl I so hard crashed for and she never ever knew first off, second she kinda got offline about three months ago and so I should be having no problem not thinking about her... but I am fucked in the head as I said before - anyways) well so now all confuzzed and not sure....

had almost three hour meeting with boss today - it was good just lots of crap going on - good stuff but so busy - but eh keeps my mind active i suppose - a co worker was going with his wife to Cancun - they left today back next week - he was showing me pictures - it looked cool that would be a neat place to visit but he was cutely funny in that they are doing this to relax (both get stressed from their jobs) but he was stressing more from the worries of getting abducted or stranded in mexico and was getting more stressed - lol I told him go, stay in motel if worried drink yourself silly and ravish wife in hotel room or ocean pool - repeat daily, hourly, whatever it takes - lmao

ah well life moves on - go with it or be run over, it is that simple (except those lucky few who figure out how to climb the tree and look down watching all the stampeding idiots ;-)

Friday, February 11, 2005

Hinge Points of Life

You know – a big key to understanding yourself and others – especially on those deeper, friend or more levels, IMO, is knowing and finding and understanding hinge points in your life.

I believe that while we move day to day, there are key events, times, people, basically key HINGES that drive and shape and really make us who we are.

I teach historical geology (among a boatload of other topics) and we have a theory called punctuated equilibrium (referred to as PE from now on that to be confused with that class in school that most hate, makes you sweaty, makes you get naked in front of people you know are peeking and you are peeking too and all because you have to wear these too big or small stinky uniforms – anyways :-D) in regards to evolution (yes I believe in evolution and if you don’t you can go stick your opposable, genetically passed on, thumb up your tightly closed ass and mind… lol – anyways).

The theory states that while gradual evolution – evolution is simply CHANGE THROUGH TIME – I do not know why people have problem with that idea – see we all change. Anyways PE states that the major changes come about in quick short bursts of concentrated change – so things are going along smoothly for the most part and then bam suddenly the mutation (change in evolution comes about from an accident – see a gene gets corrupted, mutated, accidentally warped and then passed on and for some reason the mutated accidentally changed gene keeps getting passed on and soon the corrupted, mutated, accident becomes the norm – go figure, man I love evolution – lmao – anyways)

So hinge points are like this – periods when a lotta shit happens and at the time you have no idea it is a hinge point (well sometimes you do, but a lotta times you do not know) until you look back and go WHOA DUDE, THAT WAS ONE GNARLY RIDE, NO SHIT!!!!

Alright so identifying these hinge points can really focus on where you were, what you did and why you are you know and like I said can really tell you a lot about a person.

Think of the movie "Intersection" with Richard Gere (which I did not see but know about). Where it starts with his character in a bad car wreck and in an instant of the wreck he flashes through hinge points in his life. Or Sliding Doors" with Gwyneth Paltrow (again not seen but should see) about how little changes can make for different results – that is also theme of Run, Lola, Run which I did see and need to watch again, I liked that movie. And of course Aston Kucher in Butterfly Effect

(And if you have not guessed, movies, TV, people watching and music, oh gawd music, are very important to me and I like – hehe – more on those topics another day).

Anyways these all focus on the idea of hinge points – and so I'd thought along the way, I'd start to work on identifying my hinge points and jot them down from time to time

And please if you know of movies like the ones I mentioned where the theme is hinge points in life – let me know – I'd like to collect a list – hehe a future blog entry.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Like Sands Slipping Through the Hourglass - cause someone dropped the F*ing prop and broke it

Well I am as excited as a peach about to be put in a pumpkin pie..... I got tickets to visit my sisters in march

Naw actually I am excited - it is one of those Gilligan trips - you know a three day tour that feels like years and years and years and someone stop me now

okay really kidding, I love all three of my sisters. The fun thing is, between the four of us through our personal family, our lives and everything around us, I could write down the real life stuff and sell it to soap opera land, no shit! I mean really if you looked at stuff, you'd probably start hearing the melodramatic music playing - I mean here is a brief preview....

Four sisters - four lives - all separate yet intertwined

The one sister got pregnant when she was 17 and then again when she was 19. Separated from her husband, but is still not divorced because she could not afford it, took the money another sister sent (twice that idiot) for a divorce and spent it on gawd knows what and basically was too lazy to do the work and file the papers. She is a very outgoing, flamboyant, ho-type of personality flaunting what body parts she was given in everyone's face (bi is a term she relishes) and is currently linked up with a man, who proposed to her, who has two boys, who also is not divorced from his wife. She also is a hypochondriac, our anorexic/bulimic, And that is just the beginning of her story (she is our budding alcoholic, abuser of herself and many other things we shall save for February sweeps).

Sister number two - the mother - the sensible one - the one that is trapped. Married high school sweetheart right out of high school, had a kid and settled into an apartment and wanting to do more but trapped by finances, family duty and a host of other things. Tries to help the others but suffers from depression and a desire to be more, have more and go somewhere, always trying to get back to school or do something. She often trudges home, cries herself to sleep and attempts to play peacemaker with the others. Always juggle much more than she can handle in that regard. The only one still married to her original guy and just found out she is pregnant and that is not joyous news.

Sister three - she got out bless her soul - got away from the family lifestyle (did I mention they grew up in a mother only house, on welfare, yes, yes they are trailer park trash and had a mother who brought an interesting round of shall we say things to their lives) well this one managed to fly the coop and thus is not assaulted by the daily barrage that sister number two is but she still tries and attempts to keep things going, she managed to get her edumacation and sends money when she can, and listens, when she can, but seems to be so busy that sometimes it is just hard to say hello (and hard moneywise for the others to say hello back). She is going through a divorce and a nice change in sexual/relationship lifestyle as her focus has shifted to other things and places and people, why limit the playing field. And yet even with a whole playing field her heart became ensnared by someone who has no frickin idea and thus she is idiotically throwing away her hopelessly in love energy on a pipedream. And she keeps herself probably too busy but manages to just juggle everything somehow, for now.

Sister four is the dependent one, the one who is just making ends meet and keeping them meeting no matter what she has to do. She got into an abusive relationship and wised up dumping the guy only to hook up with her future husband the next night. A pattern of rebounding before hitting the pavement was her MO. Well husband dear gave her three sons and also decided some of the sons would make good punching bags. So after leaving him, coming back, leaving him, having another kid and finally leaving him she managed to jump from guy to guy until landing her current, um I could call him boyfriend but he adopted her one son, I could call him fiance but he is marriage shy, I don;t know WTF to call him. Not only that he decided to get a job that takes him on the road 3 - 5 days a week and told sister 4 it was the job or the highway, not the job or her and family... but she is going to try to make it work cause doing a Brady bunch thing (she's a mother with three sons of her own) is something she is scared to try

And trust me that is no where near all the reality, dirt or gossip I could dish on us four... hehe you know I should blog just that and call it some soapy name and just enjoy the drama.

But anyways - was looking at the Jimmy Eat World/Taking Back Sunday tickets but they are playing too far North and on a work night so nope not going... ah well would have been nice but eh.... I'll figure out something else to do for tax day (the concert is scheduled for April 14 evening)

Someone is really interested in me. Not sure what to do... My mind and feelings are not ready in one way for someone else because I fell so hard and deep for someone else and coming off of a long term relationship... but I know those feelings holding me back will never be allowed to come out or express themselves because that person is gone and never was a consideration but still... lots to think about, very scary and not sure.... I have until March.....

just found out our school got this grant which is to provide tutoring programs for a number of schools and my supervisor gave us a heads up we would be doing something with that grant.

ah wells such is life in the grand scheme of things - I shall go watch my taped All My Children and catch up on my online class work

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Second is almost as good as first


Well lots going on - all fun and busy, alotta projects coming my way at work so as I told my co-worker we no longer multi-task - we hyper-dimensional task - lol

I need 30 hours, 5 arms and a whole lotts down time just to complete everything I do - which I have no right to complain because half the stuff I bring on myself

You know I think work-a-holic syndrome (or whatever it is called) is like a form of self mutilation or something... I know that is harsh but I mean I torture myself by being a yes man erm woman. Not saying no (ooo almost a double negative) anyways not saying no is almost as bad in a sense as hitting yourself over the head with a baseball bat

Hmm okay the bat would hurt and possibly cause long term memory loss but since I suffer from bad memory and a general blondeness to my character anyways would I even notice??? lol

By the way Dory (from finding Nemo people) is my idol - I think I identify with her a lot - and yes of all the great people to identify with when you have that writing assignment - you know the one - take a historical figure or other person and tell why you are most like them.... I choose a flighty, blue fish who likes to swim (walk/dance/whatever) through life doing singsong chants, chasing after shiny objects and repeatedly repeating herself - but hey the world is also so open, new, exciting to her and she is sooo damn positive, besides making you want to puke, it kinda describes me.... sortof, sometimes, some, more than I wanna admit, okay move along nothing more to see here...

Monday, February 07, 2005

You always remember your first time


this is new









and need to go buy a thesaurus - lol

I decided to join the ranks of online - why?

read an article on USATODAY about blogs being used to fire people from their job - lol

so here I am at work blogging ;-)

actually I just thought it'd be neat - I still have my journals from when I was 16 so why not start up again (you better not be asking how long ago that was - never ask a lady her age and whether you think I am a lady or not, my crowbar says I am a lady - so there) anyways so why not have a record of my thoughts now

plus no one reads these so I can be really really funny cuz I know everything I think and write is hilarious - lol - hehe

alright - I'll write more laters - gotta get ready to leave work and go for my 2 mile walk on the boardwalk.

catch ya laters