Mistakes

They say everyone makes mistakes, the key is to learning from and moving on said mistakes to make the future better. I made some mistakes and right now I have learned it hurts, it hurts so very fucking bad. I hope to learn the other stuff later, once it stops hurting

Right now pretty much everything feels fucked to me because some shit and fuckedness went down at work Thursday. Actually work has been getting shittier and shitter the last few months and well it hit a bad point yesterday - I have never cried at work like I did yesterday and I still feel...

See right now my family life is really shitty as some of my sisters are having bad problems and things are fucked there. My one sister continues to screw her life and is getting into alcohol, is going out with a new person every night almost, not taking care of her kids and the list goes on. Another is having major financial and family issues and the third is having family issues and barely hanging on - plus they all live in Arizona.

My social life is shitty as it is nonexistent - I rarely see anyone if not work related or if I make myself go out, but then when I go out, it is alone and maybe I say a few words to a stranger while waiting in line but nothing in terms of a social thing. I have very few friends, Of those friends (which I could count using 10 fingers or less), there are none here, where I live that I actually visit or visit me or hang out with - I really only have a small group of friends via the Internet and lately they have been really busy or have their own lives and have not been around so I have been seeing not even every much of them (seeing here means talking to them online or maybe the occasional call for a couple of them).

Releationship, wll again there is another crapper of a portion of my life, since splitting with my ex about 2 and a half years ago, I have been on two dates and that's it - no gf, no dates, nobody in that arena and somehow with ever passing day I wonder more and more if there ever will be anyone to hold and love and cuddle and be with.

And now work has become an area that's more blah then happy or getting through the day. My work place was the one area (besides my daughter which there are issues there but my daughter which I have joint custody of is a very private issue and not for this discussion in any other way) that kinda got me through the other eh and ick parts life throws at you.

The others are music (I love music and concerts) and my writing and posting (which has not been happening as I said those people have not been around as much. Especially a certain someone I am kinda afraid that person is going to go away and not be around anymore and take away that very special avenue of writing, posting and chatting and being a friend (I think of them as a friend, i hope they think of me as a friend... I never asked, was too afraid too, especially since I like that person a lot, yes the term crush and actually other terms come to mind, but eh, sometimes those you wish you knew in certain ways just doesn't work out or happen....)

But I hope they do not go away as that person next to my sister have been 2 of the three reasons to look forward to the next day about - and off course that is a bummer, but that is something I leave for my healthy what if and fantasies and yeah ok I really wish I could know this person as more than a friend but this person is happy with someone else, has a life and I would never be the type of person to fit in her life) But back to work, now work has become a place I dread, a place I cry about and at and a place that I right now do not find to be something I look forward to, so another area of my life that's just shitty.....

There are moments and granted I have a lot to be and I am thankful for, but somehow things just seem to be kinda bad and I'm hurting a lot more than I'm not lately and it's getting harder to keep looking at it from the optimistic perspective and fact there could be worse happening to me.... cause see the thing is there could be better happening too.....