Now for something a little different

Not what I normally write - but I really liked it...

i can hear it
by J.E.S. April 2005,

I can hear it. It has been going on for the last hour. I could hear it in the bedroom as I lie on top of the neatly made bed. I could hear it in the bathroom as I sat against the wall staring at the toilet. I could hear it in the kitchen as I stood at the sink just looking at the drain.

Intermingled with the steady caress of raindrops on my roof it comes through again. Every two minutes. It slices through all other thought, noise, activity. I pull the comforter I keep on the couch over my head muffling the sound of the rain. I start to relax, perhaps I am….

BEEP

I curl into a ball as with that simple, basic sound I feel the breath ripped from my lungs. The comforter slides to the floor forgotten as the couch shakes in time to the raindrops, the shudder of the couch matching the heaving sob that rolls from the deepest pit of my stomach up through my chest and glides up the back of my throat flooding it with the taste of salt.
I can not avoid it just as she will not let me flee.

I struggle like an animal snared by steel. I try gnawing at my heart, perhaps if I can cut it out I can escape. Just as the trapped animal is willing to live without a limb, I will exist with out a heart, a soul. I have done so for the last year, I am willing to finish what she began, just let me go.


I look up at the ceiling and blink, how did I end up here? I was on the couch seeing if perhaps I was drawing my last painful breath and now I am lying here the wooden floor pressing against my back much as her guiding hand once did and will again. Just as she swept me away with a look, a touch, a kiss… I now find myself swirling down the path she illuminated with her glorious beauty and presence.

A presence that drew me, like a moth to the fire and we all know what happens to those that play with fire. I tighten my arms and adopt the fetal position I know so well as I lay here scalded deeper than any natural flame could ever touch. She burns with an intensity that would rival the sun. If you stare at the sun too long you will go blind and I find I now can not see save her brillance, the price I pay for having dared to worship her and gaze upon her features.

BEEP

A shiver runs through me as the sound fades once again. It is a shiver unlike any other save for the way my body would erupt and flow as she touched me. Power in her fingers, electric in her breath, and poison upon her lips, lips I kissed again and again willingly drinking the poison I knew was there.

It happened so fast that time stood still and I gladly surrendered my eternity to her as she beckoned from across the room. I dared to break the barrier, a simple charitable act, I brought her a glass of water to quench her parched whisper even though she was out of my league, my realm, if only I had stayed in my safe place. Played by the rules. Not gone to her table with the glass.

Not felt her warm touch melt the ice in the glass and my soul. The instant of meeting was all it took to chain my existence to her. Chance plays its games well and decided to spin the wheel of misfortune in my direction. I was never lucky in life and it seems that carries well into love and will follow me even into death - I know that now, she showed me that.

BEEP

I crawl across the floor whimpering slightly as the shrill echo assaults my ears, senses, mind, body… all parts of my essence bowing to the pain because she desired to bring me pleasure. A simple gift that all should beware. For her dalliance on my mortal awareness gifted me with the greatest curse…. Obsession.

The world faded that night as we merged, I never heard the sound of the glass as it crashed to the floor shattering. I never heard the sound of my soul as it too was broken, dashed against the perilous rocks of her beauty, her pull, her aura. My freedom tamed into submission and tethered like a bird whose wings have been shorn off.

The need to fly seduced from me as my passion drove me to throw myself and all I possessed at her feet, carelessly agreeing to serving a master whose cruelty stemmed from my own shortcomings, my own limitations, my own inability and yet she accepted, foolishly I groveled my thankfulness at her willingness to allow my caress, to feed my thirst.

I flew that night, soared into the sun, and found my future eclipsed by her past as we danced together and learned the subtle joy of knowing another like no other and knowing you will never know another such as her. Risen up by her generous touch, crushed down by her generous voice.

For when she beckons I can not struggle, I can not think, I can not breath, unless that is her desire, her need, then it is mine. Linked would be a blessing, I am smothered, tortured and released only to know my lease is short because she clasps the other end tightly. I snapped the collar into place as I brushed by her to refill her glass.

Willingly I let her eyes and words drill into my guarded heart. I sharpened the axe that she skillfully used to sever my link to this world. I helped build the net that stopped me from drifting away from her influence, from remembering who I was, what I did, what it meant to live.

BEEP

I have reached the counter where the cell phone sits, the voicemail notification alarm beeping every two minutes letting me know a message has come. The one I have craved, longed for, allowed the voracious hunger to dine upon my reason and sanity for… I know it is her.

Trembling I pick up the phone and press the receive button. The most loathsome and yet erotic act I have ever done.

I crumble again to the floor as I feel myself grow damp, the arousal so think in the air it drowns out everything else. I begin to tremble as I hear the first ring, the passion rising in my thighs and flowing to the center of my world now. The only thing that commands any attention or fulfillment, all else she has shown me to be worthless.


The second ring brings a moan from my inner id bursting forth to drown out the third ring which brings me to the edge, I hang there quivering on the ledge of erotic lust and meaningful love.

She picks up and the world stops spinning. Her voice issues two words, which send me over the precipice and falling physically and mentally I groan out as the spasm washes over me, her single laugh then sounds out filled with the knowledge of the power she wields over me prolonging the feeling, stroking more from me to elicit yet another series of ripples.


She repeats the words once more, words I will forever be a prisoner of and she knows. She has always known and expected no less. I was stalked and chosen from the moment I came into being, my sole purpose clear now. To be hers.


"I'm waiting" once more comes from the phone that lays now in the empty house as its occupant has already gone, running into the night, the rain soaking me as I fly to my destiny, to her. You should never keep the ones you love waiting.