three strikes

I think things are messed up bad and I never meant to do it god help me if she does something stupid... I have been trying to do the right, nice thing... i think I am failing... death, despair, the cancer and shit are winning.. trying to stay more in the mndset like my last posts... but I am a bit worried here... not for me, for her... I found myself, my cente even if it is not where I want it (hence the three strikes title cause you all know what comes next in that saying).... but I actually am ok with that just upset with this tangled web.. it si soooo, I can;t see the start point anymore - lol but the end point is starting to scare me

crap