This week has been a whew and glad it is gone and over week.
Got back form the conference and worked to catch up on work – still lots of projects but slowly starting to get almost a pinky finger above water – lol. The atmosphere at work is still odd and off due to the changes in administration (such as my boss retiring), the contract negotiations, in-fighting in staff, rumors and the gossip mill on overtime (I swear it is churning out so much shit we will soon have the highest mountain in the world in our school's backyard. Of course it will not be made of granite but of crap, hot air and such….
I did get a piece of good in amongst the bad, unsure and unmotivated news – I got my letter at work that I have, pending contract negotiations of course, been offered a contract for next year. That means I have my job for at least another year – hurray. Of course my job is such if they really wanted they could cut my job at anytime and such but hey at least I got a renewal for a year. We can start to worry now about next year... well next year – lol
The bad part of the week and what prompted the title of this entry was what happened with my sister. Early in the week she started feeling intense pain and soon could barely walk so she went to the ER. They did a ton of tests and then told her that her ovaries were so full of cysts that they could barely be seen on the one CAT scan and that some were rupturing causing the pain. They then scheduled her for more tests and told her to see her Gyno to find out the exact extent of the problem.
So we spent a week getting her more tests and waiting and wondering if it was cancer, would need surgery or such... and that got me to thinking about a lot of things... a lot of things
Well Friday we learned while there is a little problem because the cysts are not going away and the rupturing causes the pain, she does not have cancer and for now no surgery – they will monitor and if things change then do more.
But this whole week I have been really... well honestly... scared. I love all three of my sisters, but to be honest with two of them we are sisters but not real close, we've had problems in the past and also they are kinda distant and standoffish a lot of the time so we might chat every couple of weeks (my one sister walked out on me once and did not talk to me for over a month – that's another story) but I am really not too close to them. But my third sister
She is truly the only person in the world who really knows me and to whom I have never really lied or would lie. She knows me better than anyone, she has always been close, even closer and knew more about me and such than my ex – I talk to her about everything and she really keeps me from going off on things a lot of the time.
See I do not really have many friends and not many I talk to about things and no one else except my sister that I talk to about some things and share stuff with. I also don’t laugh with others like I do her and just well, I have very little support and such and people around and I got real scared thinking about losing her, the fact that I do not have a lot of people around and other things too...
And this lead to thinking about certain topics and left me really bummed and in a blue funk blah mood the whole week and still finding certain thoughts keeping me awake at night... But it also was interesting to see how I could trip along from one subject to another and pull in things and finding old past memories popping up and then of course there were the dreams/nightmares, my subconscious Id/mind had a field day this week.
The weird thing is my sister on the phone yesterday kinda said the same thing. How she had been thinking about weird things and stuff she had not thought about in a long time…. Ah the mind is a funny thing... just wish I could laugh...
Ah well – I do find good distractions here and there (and will find others beside my sister to share them with, just lots of patience and enjoying things as I do) – but I caught a couple cover bands last night, reading a couple really good books, got a couple of weird movies, which as soon as I watch I'll have to comment on (Such as Aeon Flux and a few other odd titles). Got in a five mile walk this morning and almost finished with grades for my classes – whew-whee : ) And of course best of all is my sister is going to be ok... very best of all.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment