I Wanna Be a Writer - a short story

Heya just wrote a little something - put it up at my other writing web site too

http://www.fictionpress.com/~docwho2100

and will be up at my fanfic site soon too

http://mywebpages.comcast.net/jstratton1/

Here is the story

The Delete Key

Ah the little grey or white key or perhaps if you own a designer keyboard a mauve or turquoise key, but anyways the little DEL or delete key.

The comic relief in many situations such as the classic joke in "Buffy the Vampire slayer" when a character thinks DEL means deliver and trashes her whole project.

The power to undo what has been done.

The key that so many had no idea what it meant so some manufacturers actually spell out the name, Hmm wonder what mine… I have both – delete and on the number pad it is DEL.

Wonder what that key says in other places

Borre, effacer, Löschen Sie, cancella, Schrap, anule, удалить, stryk, 删除

Ah my little BOR key.

Ok, ok, I get it, I am stalling, rambling on about a very stupid topic. And why you ask?

Okay you did not ask but since you are still reading I am guessing you are asking.

Or else have insomnia or perhaps you are bored shitless.

Or my favorite… you have been assigned as part of your torture program the reading of this little essay on…

Well want to say it is on the delete key, but hang ten as I go Sigmund Freud or maybe Pavlov or insert your favorite shrink here on you… just stay with me – remember as with the DEL key and dominos – takes beaucoup time to set up and an instant to knock it all down, which is one of my main points here…

Oh shit I blew it, I went and got a point to this story. That makes this a fable, or moral essay, or actual possible piece of storytelling. Well fuck that anyhoo.

See that is what started all this… the fact that sometimes I stand on the teetering edge of Deleteness… what does that mean?

So glad you asked…

You didn’t ask? Well you are still reading… oh wait we already did that part of the routine didn't we?

Well sometimes I think the DEL key is like that suicide pill spies carry.

WHOOOOAAAAA how's that for pulling a plot twist outta nowhere (nowhere defined as my ass which tends to do more of the thinking than my brain of late and I am sure you did not want to know that, which is why you just got told that).

See I teeter on the brink sometimes of should I take the pill or not – no, no, no I am not talking about me committing suicide, well not like bodily suicide. That is a bad thing and thing I shall never do.

No I mean fileacide, writer-hari-kari, um suicide of files, um… you getting the drift yet? You're going to make me stumble on in trying to find a suitable analogy? You are enjoying this aren’t you? What do you mean payback is a bitch and since you have to listen to my bitching….

Alright, alright… see sometimes I teeter on the brink because…

I wanna be a writer

HAHAHAHAHA did you see that one coming? Damn two twists in one story – I am fucking good… actually, no, no I'm not – hence this diatribe on the little delete key.

Well I can see I just crankswirled, crankswirl, a word I and another made up and it means you say something out loud, make 1200 connections in your brain at the speed of eating a bowl of Lucky Charms (hmm or was that the speed of eating a bowl of Rice Krispies, which is much faster because damn if when I eat Lucky Charms I do not hear that f*ing leprechaun saying Yellow stars, orange moons and the like as I eat the marshmallow fake who the hell knows what they really are bits, but they are gooey yummy in milk…)

Anyhoo say one thing, make connections in head and then say next line seemingly totally unrelated and yet they are, really, and not just in my own deluded, psychotic fantasy world, but really, really, really (how many more of these damn reallys do I have to type to convince you… hmm if I type a few more I will make it into the next word bracket… writer's thin of the weirdest shit, well then so do Dock workers… go figure)

See I wanna be a writer so bad, I love reading, writing, exploring topics and researching for authenticity (oooooo - the big word I am throwing in my story to sound like I own a thesaurus, damn I am smooth, glided that one right in and even used it almost correctly… almost correctly, damn my grammar is even almost good, almost well, um, uh, yeah whatever).

Then I go out and start reading other peoples' work - books, magazines, watching movies (see I know that there are words associated with the actually moving things on the screen), fanfiction (love reading fanfic…) and the like and that's when it happens….

That's when the DEL key starts looking really good. It is my friend, fantasy-dream mission over I'm caught, time to use the little pill.

See I look at the good stuff out there and then go back and read my writing and I am like, why? Why am I even typing… yes I know you are asking the same damn question as you are going she keeps typing, I keep reading… vicious little cycle ain't it?

But I get real close to saying screw it, I am tired. I know I could never be a writer, too hard, not good enough, I reuse plots and characters and no originality. I do not have the command of the language grammatically and verbosely (hmm is that a word… well it sure as hell is now – I love inventing words…) and so on.

It just is not working (it here is not the good IT like being an IT girl like on the L Word CD or EW magazine, yeah right me an IT girl, only if IT girl is hey what the hell is it?)

But why clog the system, my life and mind with this stuff (okay I say shit but was trying to reclaim the PG-13, oh wait I used bitch up there, hmm think the FCC is going to come after me???)

So my finger then sits poised over the little DEL key… just wipe out the stories, the files and be done with the torture… simple little key, simple little act… wish it was as easy to be a writer as it is to be a, um, uh - unwriter (Unwriter? You know what an unwriter is… what you are when you hit that delete key… okay you would really be a lame, stupid ass if you seriously did that, but seriously would I do that, something as serious as that?

Seriously….

Yeah just might








Okay, I was going for the moral punch at that end that rocks you and hangs with you and is like a cliffhanger orgasm (come on admit it, admit it… teasing coaxing tone here, admit it… you have hit that peak, read that line that just made you explode all over twitching as you get this endorphin rush and high and afterglow and… um, nope? Okay fine then neither have I……)

But I can’t leave it at that, cause I am lame but not DEL lame, cause I am not a deleter (hee-hee nice twist on quiter there wasn't it? See delete = quit and hmm I just pointed out in a very obvious way the metaphor I am going for didn’t I… what do you mean I just made the last few pages nothing more than supporting pointless drivel? Just made, hell it was pointless drivel about half way down, where you been buddy?)

I wanna be a writer.

So in my own little world I am a writer.

Take that DEL key.

No wait, don’t take that or rather no taking of my files or anything, well maybe that nude picture of Kirsten Dunst that is awesome but has a virus attached which is taking over my computer and um not that I opened that file or anything of course, I mean nude KD why would I open that… hmm is this the PWP part of the story now?

Cue that porn bow-chicka-bow-wow music and… okay maybe I should go back to the intelligent, moral, better cliffhanger instead of ending on blaring porn music and did I mention nude… okay I am so going to get sued even though this is a lovely tribute to Ms. KD…. just remember to use the Replace function and change Kirsten Dunst to um Dirsten Kunst oh yeah that'll fool the lawyers… hmmm I think I lost my point somewhere…

Oh well at least I have that trusty DEL key to help me fix that…. Right?

fini